2012.02.24 - Cancer and Me (1 - My Initial Diagnosis)

我与癌（1-初步诊断） 2006年4-5月起，我开始感觉腹胀，餐后较明显。下腹隐痛，多发生于夜深人静时，如针刺，每次持续5-10秒。乏力，从每周两次的kick boxing健身改成 了yoga。再加有大便习惯的改变，无原因便秘或腹泻。所有这些症状我都以为是更年期前综合症的表现，不以为然。自认为我的体质绝对属于较健康类，很少因为生病请假。因此以为如果我多多休息的话，这些不适一定也会自然消失。生活继续着，计划执行中。 8月暑假期间全家4 口，加父母和哥哥一起，租了辆宿营车(creation vehicle), 完成了为期一周的黄石公园自驾游。旅途中，虽然腹胀，腹痛，乏力及消化问题依然如故，但丝毫没有影响我们的游玩计划。因我天生就是个特别贪玩的主。来这里潜水后才发现没有最贪玩的，只有更贪玩的。壹周的游山玩水转眼间就这样飘过了。 暑期结束，俩闺女回归学习生活，父母回国。而我的征状却是有增无减，该是求助医生帮助我解决问题的时候了。予约了去看内科和妇科医生的时间，幻想着他们肯定能很快找到病因，然后药到病除。9月的某天，我在上班之前去见了我的内科医生。她一见我就拍拍我的肩膀，赞我一向体质较好。她推断我很可能是有点盆腔炎，服用一周抗生素就应有效。我当时的想法和她不谋而合。 然而一周后，我感到腹痛，腹胀不但没减轻反而加重了，无论是发生的次数，持续的时间和疼痛的程度。只好乖乖地又去见内科医生，她建议做个腹腔，盆腔超声波，那就从命吧。 又过去一周，拿超声波报告的那一天是我人生另类经历的开启。当时的情景历历在目。医生进门后，首先对我说，请坚强些。为什么？有必要吗？顺手接过报告看个究竟，报告上说在我盆腔双侧卵巢处各发现一边缘不清肿块（mass)，两肿瘤大小为5x6cm 和5x7cm。 是我的吗？我一没家族史，二我有良好的生活习惯，三你前日还夸我特健康不是。怎么可能会是我呢？再次校对姓名，没错。肿瘤够大，排除无中生有的可能性。我又有越来越明显的征状，看来是非我莫属了。医生建议尽快联系手术，同时再做一项核磁共震的检查 (MRI)，我点头称是，只想快快逃离此地，因我的脑细胞已拒绝接受更多更坏更糟的信息。我赶紧躲进车里，欲哭无泪。我后悔为何不早些就医， 我自问我很快就会就从地球上消散吗？家人，父母怎么办？？我该如何告诉我的同事们等等。大约费了15分钟凭自己的想象折磨着身心。终于定下神，认真地思考我下一步该怎么做。电告先生，下策。电告哥嫂，下策。“是敌 人战胜我还是我战胜敌人” 这句话不知如何钻进我脑海，紧接着是一串串的毛主席语录(I don't even believe myself)帮助我理顺了思路，继续我的 原先计划。在没有确诊前，一如继往。( Wish for the best, Prepare for the worst). MRI 的检查对我卵巢癌的确诊更进了一步。我了解所有癌症的最 终确诊都要通过病理切片，而获取癌症组织的途径有多种。 2006年11月7日经过6 小时手术后，我被告知患卵巢癌  （Papillary serous carcinoma, moderately differentiated grade 2  stage 3 C）那一年我 43, 俩闺女（9岁和15岁）的妈，一位教书匠的妻。

Cancer and Me (1 - My Initial Diagnosis) Around April and May of 2006, I started to feel bloated, a feeling that only worsened after eating. I was suffering from abdominal pain, frequently during the middle of the night. It felt like being pricked by needles, each time lasting for 5-10 seconds. I had no strength, and I had to change from kick boxing twice a week to doing yoga. I also had huge changes in my bowel habits, and suffered from constipation and diarrhea without reason. I mistakenly thought all these symptoms were related to menopause, and I was not worried. I had always been very healthy, and rarely took sick days. Thus, I thought that if I got lots of rest, these issues would naturally go away. Life goes on and plans continue. Over summer vacation in August, our family, along with my parents and brother, rented a camper and took a weeklong trip to Yellowstone National Park. On the trip, even though I still felt tired, bloated, and had abdominal pain, this did not influence our travel plans at all. Ever since I was born, I have loved to play and have fun. After going diving at Yellowstone, I realized there were others that loved to play and have fun even more than I. The week of sightseeing floating by in the blink of an eye. At the end of the summer, my daughters both went back to school, and my husband and I visited China. Around this time, my symptoms were getting worse, so I decided it was time to seek help from a doctor. I scheduled appointments with an internal medicine doctor and a gynecologist, hoping they would very quickly find the cause and then cure me. One day in September, I went to see my internal medicine doctor before going to work. When she saw me, she patted me on the shoulder and praised my life of good health. She told me I probably have pelvic inflammatory disease, and if I take antibiotics I should be better in a week. At the time, I agreed completely with her. But a week later, not only did the abdominal pain and bloating not improve, it actually worsened. I was feeling sick more frequently, and each time the pain was more intense and lasted longer. I thought it was best to see the doctor again. She recommended performing an abdominal and pelvic ultrasound, and I consented. Another week passed, and the day I was told the results of the ultrasound was the start of a new page in my life. I remember everything vividly. After the doctor walked through the door, he said to me, “Please be strong.” Why? Is that necessary? She showed me the results of the test, which said there were two blurry-edged masses found on my ovaries. The two tumors were 5x6cm and 5x7cm. Were they mine? First, I had no family history of cancer; second, I led a healthy lifestyle; third, didn’t you just tell me a few days ago that I was in good health? How could it possibly be me? I read the name again, and there was no mistake. The tumors were big, so there was no mistaking them. My symptoms were also getting worse, so there was no escaping that it was me. The doctor recommended surgery as soon as possible, and also to perform an MRI. I nodded yes, but could only think of escaping quickly from this place, because my brain could not take any more of this devastating information. I ran and hid in my car, wanting to cry but had no tears. I regretted not going to see a doctor sooner. I asked myself would it not be long until I departed from this earth? My family, my parents, what will they do?? How would I tell my colleagues? For the next 15 minutes, I was tormented by my own thoughts. Finally, I calmed down and thought about what I should do next. Call my husband - bad idea. Call my sister-in-law - bad idea. “Will this enemy defeat me, or will I defeat this enemy?” I do not know how this thought came into my mind, and it was quickly followed by a string of quotations from Chairman Mao (I don’t even believe in them myself), which helped me set things straight in my head and continue with my original plan: Wish for the best, Prepare for the worst). The results of the MRI took my diagnosis a step further. I understood that the final diagnosis for any cancer would require a biopsy, and that there are lots of groups to help those diagnosed with cancer. On November 7, 2006, after six hours of surgery, I was informed that I had ovarian cancer (papillary serous carcinoma, moderately differentiated grade 2 stage 3 C). That year, I was 43 years old, the mother of two daughters (9 years old and 15 years old), the wife of a professor.