2013.03.14: 4 - My First Chemotherapy

我与癌（4-首次化疗） 2006年的感恩节全家似乎从最初的惊诧否认，至淡然接受到既来之，则按之的状况下度过。我卵巢癌的确诊，把我最后一丝良性肿瘤的希望彻底抽空。最伤心的是目睹妈妈时不时眼里泛着泪花，还是无法接受我的突发现状。但手术的成功，超预期的恢复，绝处逢生的喜感也时时荡漾我心头。在俩闺女的强烈要求下，LG终于开烤来美20年后全家第一只火鸡。 E 医生和我与LG商议后，决定对我采用较强硬的第一轮化疗，以达到尽可能消灭手术后残余的癌细胞（手术只能清除肉眼可见癌组织）。初步制定采用 Paclitaxel+Carboplatin 腹盆腔（IP）和静脉（IV）同时进行。（The chemotherapy regimen consisted of IV paclitaxel 135 mg/m2 over 24 hours on day one followed by intraperitoneal (IP) cisplatin 100 mg/m2 on day two and intraperitoneal paclitaxel 60 mg/m2 on day eight, according to the published GOG 172 protocol. The regimen was planned to repeat at three-week intervals for six cycles.）并告知，据统计只有30%病人能够做完6个疗程，按我的自身条件，相信我应该能拿下。相对难受的是IP疗法，因药物是注入盆腔，因此腹部就要鼔起，且对胃肠消化系统的付作用也较严重。我心已定，为将来不再吃后悔药，暗暗对自己说，不就再怀孕6个月吗，应该问题不大。 感恩节后的第一周我的正规首轮化疗在医院住院进行。第一天，IV需24小时，IP是利用地球引力愈快愈好。第二天的一切也按计划顺利完成。回家后头三天，床上可呆18-20 小时。隆起的腹部随着药物的吸收健趋平坦。除了迷糊，就是恶心，呕吐。吐的我天翻地覆，有几次甚至到小便失禁。好多回是因空胃而激发胃绞痛把我痛醒。因此那时我特别享受吐完后的迷糊状态。所有这些症状，一部分也是因我测试自己的地线，能不用药就尽量不用或少用所至。后来医生告知，许多症状，尤其是呕吐，最佳的控制时刻应是在刚有恶心感时。 圣诞节紧接着就在眼前，感谢哥嫂和侄女都从东边飞来給我助力，给父母安慰，给女儿带来节日的气息。没我带动，圣诞树也能在家中展现，我没购物，每位也都得到了礼物。 大女儿在圣诞节后第一天就飞去中国继续她已坚持两年的寒假英语教学和中文学习。她能这么做很大一部分是因我LG的坚强信念。感谢他在我开始掉发时给我剪短头发，也给自己剃了光头来与我蓖美。 全家在我癌症确诊后，每位开始自觉自愿重新定位在家庭中的作用，包括我自己。我也开始慢慢学会重新认识，凝听和体会自己的身体。

Cancer and Me (4 - My First Chemotherapy) On Thanksgiving in 2006, my whole family seemed to have gone through the stages of initial shock and denial, followed by indifference, and finally resigned acceptance. My diagnosis with ovarian cancer completely obliterated my last vestiges of hope at a benign tumor. The most heart wrenching thing was witnessing my mother's eyes glaze over with tears from time to time, still unable to accept the sudden news. But the success of the operation, my recovery that exceeded expectations, and the bliss of having survived my trial was always dancing in my mind. At the vehement urging of my two girls, LG finally roasted the first turkey our family had since arriving in the United States 20 years ago. After a discussion between Doctor E and LG, we decided to adopt a tougher first round of chemotherapy, in order to eliminate any residual cancer cells remaining after the surgery (surgery can only remove cancer tissue visible to the eye). The initial treatment would consist of Paclitaxel + Carboplatin abdominal and pelvic (IP) and intravenous (IV) simultaneously. (The chemotherapy regimen consisted of IV paclitaxel 135 mg/m2 over 24 hours on day one followed by intraperitoneal (IP) cisplatin 100 mg/m2 on day two and intraperitoneal paclitaxel 60 mg/m2 on day eight, according to the published GOG 172 protocol. The regimen was planned to repeat at three-week intervals for six cycles.) They informed me that statistics showed only 30% of patients were able to finish 6 treatment cycles, but based on my condition they believed I would be able to succeed. IP therapy is very uncomfortable, because the drug is injected into the pelvis, causing abdominal swelling as well as serious adverse gastrointestinal side effects. It’s decided then, to keep from having regrets later, I thought to myself. What would it be but a 6-month pregnancy? It shouldn’t be a problem. The first week after Thanksgiving, my regular round of chemotherapy was administered in the hospital. The first day required 24 hours for IV, whereas IP was administered by gravity so it was quicker. Everything was also completed according to plan the second day. Three days later, I came home, I was in bed for 18-20 hours a day. Gradually, my swollen belly flattened as the contents were absorbed. Aside from confusion, there was terrible nausea and vomiting. The vomiting was so devastating that it led to occasional urinary incontinence. Many times, stomach cramps from my empty stomach woke me at night. I especially appreciated the occasional daze and lack of feeling caused by my sickness. Many of these symptoms were due to the fact that I was trying to use no additional medication or as little as possible to test my limits. Later, the doctor would tell me that many of the symptoms, especially vomiting, could be best controlled at the first appearance of nausea. With Christmas just around the corner, I was very thankful to my sister-in-law and niece, who flew over from the East Coast to support me, comfort my parents, and bring holiday spirit to my daughters. Without my involvement, the Christmas tree nonetheless materialized in my home; without any purchases from me, everyone still received gifts. My older daughter flew to China the first day after Christmas to continue the two-year English teaching and Chinese study program she participated in during winter breaks. Much of why she is able to do this is due to the strong faith of LG. I really appreciated him cutting my hair when I started losing it, also shaving his own head in solidarity. After my cancer diagnosis, every member of the family started to assume their new roles and responsibilities in the home, including myself. I also began to slowly learn to understand and become more in tune with my own body.