2013.08.29: 18 - My Daughter's Graduation

我与癌 （18-闺女毕业） 惊闻大闺女大学同窗好友的母亲患癌是在2013的早春，感同身受她确诊时的诧异，迷惑，多次好想打电话给予安慰，也知道所有的话都会显得苍白无力，唯有给予时间，给予空间，才能逐渐消化狂轰滥炸的正副信息。 我感谢你们给予的住宿，大大方便我因小肠梗阻出院一周就参加毕业典礼期间出行的自由度。我不仅参加了毕业晚会，也喝了小酒，更为我们的闺女毕业兴奋，骄傲。5月20日，周一典礼那天，我无力全程坐等，闺女的寝室正巧就在边上，我钻进她的被窝，梦里传来Cory Booker 兴高采烈，热情洋溢的演讲，高潮迭起，欢呼雀跃，混着淅淅沥沥的雨点，别样的享受。 聚餐和聚会时低纤维高能量的饮食，结合多多的行走及超好心情，对我肠功能的恢复起着显著的推动作用。 感谢HF及夫人为闺女及同学举办的庆典聚会，感谢姐妹们赠送给闺女的毕业礼物，也感谢F先生及夫人特地抽时间赶来探望，更感谢哥嫂和侄女远道而来和短暂相聚。 06年诊断当初，大闺女10年级，2年后你高中毕业，如愿进入Yale。我记得 Bull dog day（新生访问日）雨水流淌在你充满欢快和憧憬的笑脸，你兴奋不已，对大学的独立生活充满太多的期待。我深知你虽然较同龄人显成熟，但离家就学是否很快适应，我不确定。第一年的新生综合症在你身上得以充分体现，找不到北了。我唯一能做的就是鼓励，鼓励，再鼓励，成绩单上的B是绝对可以也是应该接受的。大学的生活不仅仅只是学习，还应有许多色彩，但只有自己能逮准那个平衡点。我倾听你毫无掩饰告诉我，你醉过，吐过，迷茫过，我不足为奇，只要每次有所悟就为你欣慰。 朦朦胧胧你戴着自己的节奏融入了主旋律。后两年你不但自己生活有声有色，还兼职新生辅导员。你有多幸运能在大一同寝室就结交好友，4年来你们共同面对无数挑战，协商讨论找到最佳方案，付诸行动。好友母亲虽未能亲临毕业典礼，但从好友的言谈举止，待人接物已能充分体现她的遇事不惊与超强的承受力和办事力，能整个暑期以照顾妈妈为己任的大学毕业独生闺女不多，为你有这样的朋友给力。更为你学医，她学畜牧兽医，向各自的理想大踏步挺进欢欣鼓舞。 近七年来的每次化疗不都是为了将来的这些时刻吗？

Me and Cancer (18 - My Daughter’s Graduation) I was shocked to learn that my older daughter’s college roommate’s mother was diagnosed with cancer in early spring of 2013. I completely empathized with the astonishment and confusion she felt when she was diagnosed and many times wanted to call her to comfort her, but I knew that anything I said would seem futile; only through time and being given space can one gradually process the bombardment of information. I greatly thank you for the accommodations you provided, which very much facilitated my travel freedom in attending the graduation only a week after I was discharged from the hospital for the small bowel obstruction. Not only did I attend the graduation ceremony, but I had a little bit of wine, and I was very proud and excited for my daughter’s graduation. On May 20, on the Monday of the ceremony, I was too weak to sit through the whole thing, but luckily my daughter’s dorm room was just nearby, so I climbed into her bed. In my slumber, the sounds of Cory Booker’s warm, enthusiastic speech with climaxes full of cheers was carried to me. These were mixed with the sounds of a light drizzle, which were another kind of enjoyment. The high-energy, low-fiber food at the dinners and gatherings, combined with more walking and my exceptionally good mood, clearly helped the recovery of my intestinal function. Thank you to HF and your wife for organizing a celebratory gathering for my daughter and her classmates, for the graduation gifts everyone gave her, and thanks to Mr. F and his wife for taking the time to visit. Additionally, I want to thank my brother and sister-in-law for traveling from afar for our brief reunion. During my initial diagnosis in 2006, my older daughter was in 10th grade. Two years later you graduated and got into Yale like you wished. I remember the rain drops of Bulldog Days (the event for admitted prospective students) running down your cheerful, eager face: you were  ecstatic, holding the highest hopes for your college life of independence. I knew that you appeared more mature than others your age, but whether you would quickly become accustomed after leaving home, I wasn’t sure. You lost yourself in being a freshman your first year: the freshman syndrome took full hold of you. The only thing I could do was to encourage, encourage, and encourage you more, the B on your transcript absolutely could be and should be acceptable. There are many other colorful aspects of college life other than studying, but only you can find the balancing point. I’ve listened to you tell me openly, you’ve been drunk, you’ve thrown up, you’ve been lost. These are all minor issues: as long as you learn from each experience, I’m happy for you. Hazily, operating at your own tempo, you eventually fell in with the main rhythm. The last two years you not only maintained an impressive personal life, you were also a freshman counselor. You were so lucky to have found great friends in your freshman dorm: over the 4 years, you faced countless struggles together and helped each other arrive at solutions and accomplish them. Though your roommate’s mom couldn’t make it to graduation,  from interacting with her it was clear that she was strong, capable, and could handle situations well. There aren’t many college students who have taking care of their mother as their primary summer responsibility, and I’m happy that you have a friend like her. I’m overjoyed that you’re both taking great strides in pursuing your dreams: you to become a doctor and she to become a veterinarian. Weren’t all the chemotherapy treatments over the last nearly seven years for future moments like these?