2013.02.26: 2 - The First Operation)

我与癌（2-首次手术） 从我拿到超声波报告到手术，大约是两周。因为做各种各样的检查不得不打乱全家的作息表。那年俩闺女分别上10年级和4年级。 有许多回长女放学后都负责晚饭和照顾妹妹。手术日那晚也是只有俩女在家度过。术前我和先生商议，为保证家庭日常生活尽可能不变，只能再次请我父母出海来帮我们解燃眉之急。我亲爱的弟弟帮我办妥他们所有手续，父母是术后第三天到的。感谢我尊敬的哥哥放下他自己的家，在我术后第一天就从东岸飞来照顾我家里的一切。内心无比强大的是我先生。从我告知他我的超声结果到我手术，理智分析每个方案，选定我们认为最适合的医院和医生。 手术前，自以为在心理和体力上 (mentally and physical) 对手术已准备充分，但很多情况还是无法预料。 术后第二天，总体感觉不如前日。发觉胃部微鼓，开始呕吐，并感到呼吸变急促，根本不能躺平。我小解放军竟然也会有呼吸困难的时候，赶紧叫来护士。 医生要求拍摄x光找原因，x光报告显示胃体积超过正常，压迫肺的扩张，要上胃管。胃管一进，胃内积液咕咚咕咚一出, 呼吸就趋于舒畅平缓多了。先生看着吸管瓶内300多ml 被吸出的褐绿色液体，＂哇＂了整整3 秒钟。我母亲（ 手术室护士20年）见到我后告知，如在国内，这类手术后插胃管应是常规。 接着是下腹部的涨气给了我大大的下马威。呼吸正常后，为尽快排气，尽管我每天拼全力下床带着胃管（GI）和静滴（IV)走动，但大肠的绞痛还是把我折磨得够呛，几乎崩溃。远超分娩痛，对我来说是10分与8分区别。 妈妈来医院看我是术后第四天。两月前刚在机场说再见，谁会料到再见竟是病房。躺床上的竟是我。我俩都强颜欢笑，给予对方心理强有力支撑。当她的手触摸我脚掌，开始按摩的瞬间，全身觉得一股暖流，从脚心直达头顶。所有身体上的疼痛也随即消逝。从那以后，我的特殊待遇之一就是每日午休后爸爸给我的脚按摩。 第六天，出院的前一天，我开始了第一次化疗。当护士静脉注射Benadryl 后，我完全没有意识到药物的作用会来得如此之快之猛。咽喉部一阵烧热感，眼皮越来越重，趁思维还清晰，我大声问道，Am I dying???

Me and Cancer (2 - The First Operation) It was about two weeks between receiving the results of my ultrasound and the surgery.  It’s impossible to be undergoing all kinds of tests without upsetting daily routines in the home.  That year my daughters were in 10th and 4th grade.  Many times, my older daughter would come home from school and be in charge of dinner and looking after her sister.  The night of the surgery, the two girls spent at home alone.  Before the surgery, my husband and I discussed keeping life at home as undisturbed as possible.  We decided that our only choice was to once again ask that my parents come overseas to assist with our urgent needs.  My dear younger brother helped me work through all their travel procedures, and they arrived three days after the operation.  I thank my esteemed older brother, who set aside the needs of his own family and flew from the east coast on the first day after my surgery to take care of mine.  But it was my husband who had the biggest heart of all.  From when I told him my ultrasound results until my surgery, he meticulously analyzed and planned each decision, amongst them choosing the hospitals and doctors we believed to be best. Prior to the surgery, I thought that I had made thorough preparations both mentally and physically. Some things just can’t be foreseen.  The second day after surgery, I didn’t feel as well as I had the previous day.  My stomach felt bloated, I started vomiting, and I felt short of breath, to the point where I could not lie down. How could I, someone who was previously in such good shape, have trouble breathing?  I quickly called for a nurse. The doctor requested x-rays, which showed abnormally high stomach volume oppressing lung expansion.  After an intubation pumped out the contents, my breathing immediately eased. As my husband looked on at the 300-some ml of brown-green fluid being pumped out, he “wow”ed for a full three seconds.  My mother (an operating room nurse for 20 years) later told me that in China, gastric intubation after this type of surgery is routine. After this, the lower abdominal bloating dealt me another huge blow. I tried to breathe normally, trying to prevent further bloating by getting out of bed with all my might to move about with my stomach tube (GI) and IV drip. The pain nonetheless cruelly tortured me almost to the point of collapse. It was far worse even than the pain of childbirth, which earned a mere 8 points compared to the 10 of this pain. My mother visited me in the hospital on the fourth day after surgery. Just two months ago we said goodbye until next time at the airport; who would have guessed that next time would be in a hospital ward? That the one lying in the hospital bed would be me? We both kept up our smiles, giving each other strong psychological support. The moment her hand touched my feet and began to massage them, I felt warmth rush from the soles of the feet to the top of my head, and all my pain instantly dissipated. From that point, my one special treat was the foot massage my father gave me every day after my afternoon nap. On the sixth day, the day before my discharge, I started the first chemotherapy treatment. When the nurse injected Benadryl into my vein, I had absolutely no idea that drugs could take effect with such speed and fierceness. As fire consumed my throat and my eyelids got heavier, all while I could still think clearly, I cried out, “Am I dying???”