2013.03.04: 3-Recovery After Surgery

我与癌 (3-术后恢复) 术后第八日，我终于准许出院回家。又能天天见到最亲近的家人了。没料到的是，当晚我竟然无法入睡。只要我一闭眼，恶梦便缓缓袭来，身体似乎就在万丈深渊中坠落，欲呼无声，欲罢不能。我只有半坐半靠着才躲过梦境迷糊了一夜。 LG 担心碰到我的刀口，且能晚上给予照顾，便在我床边的地板上打了好久的地铺。康复期间，每天我都会练习肺活量和体力。从刚到家只能走5分钟到3周后的30分钟，身体各方面在慢慢恢复。真正体会了一把病来如山倒，去病如抽丝。清楚记得术前一月，LG和我还去爬了一天的山，那时我体力已不如前，最后只他一人登顶。 手术前，不知该如何面对同事说明我的情况，几次欲言又止。只好与我的老板沟通，托她转告术后状况。公司的许多同事闻讯后，抽出时间不辞辛苦驾车单程40ml 来探望，送来的不仅仅是关心，更有战胜疾病的信心和鼓励。告知因我的突发事件，促使她们都在2006年底前去做了妇科体检和超声波。这是第一个因我的癌症诊断而取得的意外收获，很欣慰。 有了点空闲，开始上网。网上有关OVCA的信息错综复杂，真假难辨。让我备感受挫的是5年OVCA的存活率只有30%（最新报道40%）。铺天盖地的负面信息又将我掷入恶性循环的网络搜索，竟让我在Costco 找到了棺材••••••。 " I am home" 小闺女甜甜的童音把我拉回现实。心里默念：为了我爱和爱我的亲人们，更为了完成做母亲的任务，我应下定决心，无论化疗路上有多少险滩暗流，高山陡坡。我有年轻气盛，有我信任的医生，家人和朋友无条件的支持。小解放军没有任何理由放弃，我应坚信不疑我必定会是30%的其中之一。 3周后，在妈妈陪伴下，回医院拆掉刀口的＂定皮针＂。护士G 小心翼翼，干净俐落在我基本无痛感的状态下顺利拆除47 枚＂定皮针＂。虽然手术拿掉双侧卵巢，输卵管，子宫，阑尾，大网膜和脾，但无法摘去我乐观主义的心态。自箭突下至耻骨联合上约20cm的刀口愈合不仅好，而是超棒耶！( an atypical textbook photo candidate, that is my surgeon E's comment ) 从选定医生E （GYN/Oncologist) 做我的手术起，我对他的依赖和信任随我化疗的深入也与日俱增。每次见他，首先会和颜细语问道：How is family ？ How are girls doing? 然后才开始询问我的情况。无论我有多担心，只要听到＂Don't worry ,everything will be fine＂总能让我又充满希望。我庆幸自己找到一位能愉快沟通的医生。 身患绝症，心不绝望！！！！！

Cancer and Me (3 - Recovery after Surgery) Eight days after my surgery, I was finally allowed to go home. I could once again see my dearest family every day. What I did not expect was that I would not be able to sleep that first night. As soon as I closed my eyes, I would have nightmares. My body felt as if it was falling into an abyss. I tried to call out but I couldn’t make a sound, I wanted to stop it all but I couldn’t. I could only remain in a half-prone, half-sitting position until I made it through that nightmarish and confusing night. LG, wanting to take care of me at night but being afraid of accidentally contacting the incision, slept on the floor next to my bed for many nights. As I regained my health, I practiced breathing and increased my fitness. All parts of my body slowly recovered, from the mere 5 minutes I was only able to walk on my first day home to the 30 minutes I was able to walk after three weeks. I truly experienced the phrase “disease comes like a toppling mountain; ridding disease is difficult as spinning silk”. I clearly remembered when a month before the surgery, LG and I spent a day hiking a mountain.  At that time, my strength was already not what it had been before, and in the end he was the only one to reach the summit. Before my surgery, I did not know how I should face my colleagues to explain my situation to them. Several times I wanted to, but each time I stopped short. I had to tell my boss, and rely on her to communicate my condition after the surgery. Many of my colleagues went out of their way to drive 40 miles to visit me after they heard about my condition, bringing not only their concern, but also their confidence and encouragement that I would defeat cancer. After they learned about my sudden diagnosis, many of them also got ultrasounds and exams. This was the first good thing that came from my diagnosis, and it was very gratifying. Now that I had some free time, I started to go online. The information online about ovarian cancer (OvCa) is complex, and it is hard to know what is true and what is not. I felt the most defeated reading that the 5 year survival rate for OvCa is 30% (the latest reports say 40%). The endless negative feedback sent me into a vicious cycle of web searches, which ended with me finding a coffin at Costco... "I am home." My daughter’s sweet voice brings me back to reality. I silently thought back: for those whom I love, and those who love me, and to complete my duty as a mother, I should make a firm resolution, regardless of how many difficulties I face in chemotherapy, I would not give up. I am young, I have trusting doctors, and the unwavering support of family and friends. I should have no doubt that I will certainly be one of the 30% . After three weeks, my mother accompanied me back to the hospital to remove the stitches from my incision. Nurse G carefully, cleanly, and painlessly removed the 47 stitches. Even though the surgery removed my ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, appendix, omentum, and spleen, there was no way they could take my optimism. The incision stretched almost 20cm along my body, and was not just healing well, it was healing great! (But Surgeon E said it would make for an atypical textbook photo candidate.) Ever since I chose Doctor E (a gynecologist/oncologist) as my surgeon, I grew to depend on him and trust him more and more as I went deeper into chemotherapy. Every time I saw him, he would first ask “How is your family? How are your girls doing?” before inquiring about my condition. No matter how worried I was, just hearing him say, “Don't worry, everything will be fine,” was enough to fill me with hope. I am very glad I found a doctor I communicate well with. I have a “terminal” illness, but I will not give up hope!!!!!