2013.07.01: 14 - My Sister-In-Law is Diagnosed with Cancer

我与癌 (14-嫂子患癌) 出乎易料得知嗜水果如米饭的嫂子竟患乳腺癌的消息是在我侄女拿到Yale大学毕业证后，记得是2011年的7月，她51岁生日左右。怎么可能？我带得是个什么头呀！我是多么渴望飞到她身边，给予她应有的照顾。心知肚明这只不过是可望而不可及的想像罢了，我若成行，不仅帮不上，肯定帮倒忙。 尤其让我刮目相看的是侄女已脱落成为德才兼并的时代女性。虽然继续在校为一年后的硕士努力学习，还能及时听取，分析她母亲的病情，并帮助决定最终的治疗方案。同时仍抽空和男友约会交流。可贺的是，同年8月男友在杭州浪漫西湖边向她求婚成功，我为他俩感动好久。 哥嫂相遇，相知，相爱于大学。我一直就把嫂子当作智慧姐姐。从她那里学会理智，冷静取代感情用事；学会放弃小利益，争取大目的；学会常常换位思考，让我认识到精神独立是何等重要，尤其对女性来说。可一不小心，这次患病，我却成了她的榜样。 嫂子化疗，放疗始于2011年9月底，止于2012年3月。其间，我们互相频繁交流，从琐碎的每日饮食到人生的价值意义都有所涉及，认同世人应有选择离世权，如果病入膏肓，生活毫无质量，成家人负担和累赘，给家人与社会制造负能量时，也许进天堂是明智之举。病人得以解脱病痛，家人得以放松身心，但对离世亲人的思念我相信永存。时间能慢慢冲淡浅浅记忆吗？沉淀下的将刻骨铭心吗？ 我的Ca125缓慢地降至80左右，就不愿走低了。2012年2月是80，4月是129，6月升至152，是我接受第15个疗程Topotecan+Avastin的效果。虽然Ca125 在上升，但速度较缓慢，我也已见怪不怪，不再自寻烦恼。无条件接受我得的是慢性病，一时半会上不去天堂，也恢复不了正常。反反复复寻求，探索治疗痛苦和生活乐趣之间的平衡点。感谢UCLA 化疗中心护士N对我无微不至的照顾，因我的化疗方案的不常规引发许多细节问题，她与医生之间的良好沟通总能让我每次治疗得以实施。感谢她介绍医生K，又一位愿化时间聆听我唠叨的医生，医生K智慧用药，在让我接受治疗的同时也保证一定的生活质量。 2012年的金秋，我与全家飞赴纽约满心欢喜参加了侄女的婚礼，我大吃大喝大乐放纵了自己一个周末。我真心真意替哥嫂高兴。相信嫂子患乳腺癌及治疗，恢复的过程对侄女的成家立业会是正能量。我衷心祝愿新人携手至无限。

Me and Cancer (14 - My Sister-in-Law Is Diagnosed with Cancer) Unexpectedly, right around the time that my niece received her Yale diploma in July of 2011, I learned that my sister-in-law had been diagnosed with breast cancer close to her 51st birthday. How was this possible? What had I started? How I longed to fly to her side, to give her the care that she deserved. Deep down, I knew this was an unrealistic dream: not only would I be unable to help, I would probably be doing her a disservice. I was particularly impressed by my niece, who had become an independent and talented modern woman. Despite continuing at Yale for an extra year to get her Master’s degree, she still had time to listen and analyze news about her mother’s condition and help determine the ultimate treatment plan. At the same time, she even maintained a successful relationship with her boyfriend. I was both overjoyed and deeply moved when in August of the same year, her boyfriend proposed to her at the romantic West Lake in Hangzhou. My brother and his wife met, became friends, and fell in love in college. I always saw my sister-in-law as a wise older sibling. Through her I became wiser: learning to be calm and avoid handling situations emotionally, to choose my battles and give up small gains in favor of the greater goal, to put myself in the shoes of others, and how important it is to have an independent spirit, especially as as women. But through this illness, I suddenly became her model instead. My sister-in-law began chemotherapy and radiation therapy at the end of September 2011 and completed both in March 2012. In the meantime, we communicated frequently with each other, covering things from the trivia (such as the content of our meal)  to the value and meaning of life. We agreed that people should have the right to end their own lives. If someone is terminally ill with no quality of life, a burden to their family and to society, perhaps it would be wise to go to heaven. The patient would be freed from the suffering, and the family would be freed of their burden, though they would miss the patient forever. Can time gradually dilute shallow memories? Are the insoluble portions engraved on our souls forever? My Ca125 slowly lowered to 80 or so and then refused to go any lower. In February 2012 it was 80, in April it was 129, and it June it increased to 152, after receiving my 15th cycle of Topotecan and Avastin. Though my Ca125 levels were rising, it was at a slow pace, and moreover I had gotten used to seeing it and no longer bothered to worry about it to create more frustration for myself. I had no choice but to accept the fact that I had a chronic condition and it would be a while before I either went to heaven or recovered back to normal. I sought continuously for a balance between the pain of looking for treatment options and the pleasures of life. I’d like to thank Nurse N from the UCLA chemotherapy center for her meticulous care: as my chemotherapy regimen was unconventional, it created many logistical details that had to be resolved with the doctor, and it was her great communication that allowed each treatment to be implemented successfully. I’m thankful that she recommended Doctor K, another doctor willing to spend time listening to me ramble on during visits. Doctor K chose his prescriptions wisely, guaranteeing me a certain quality of life even during treatment. In autumn 2012, I flew to New York with my family to attend my niece’s wedding, eating and drinking and indulging myself for a whole weekend. I am truly happy for my brother and my sister-in-law. I believe that my sister-in-law’s recovery from her breast cancer will bestow positive energy on her daughter. I sincerely wish that the newlyweds share their bond forever.