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我与癌（21-七年之痒）
与癌携手至今已七年。
它越来越狡猾多变，对付它我也许永远称不上得心应手，不过还算能坦然自若吧。将来我末日来临，它肯定功不可没，但至少在与它较量的过程中，我学会了聆听自身，学会了如何声东击西转移注意力，最最重要的是学会了用心宁神静来对付它的风情万种，总之切切实实受益非浅，自封虽败犹荣。时至今日觉得自己仍然特别幸运，因我还能与亲朋好友分享啃火鸡的乐趣和迎圣诞的点点滴滴。
今年（2013）夏季的出游最终以LG的会为主，玩为附，经 Calgary 至 Banff Nation Park of Canadian Rockies 划上句号。是我在接受原有 Avastin+Abraxane的基础上，增加Gemcitbine 的治疗刚刚开头时。予公予私都只允许走马观花，到此一游，于8月8日打道回府。
计划原本就此打住，可是化疗后不经意与妈妈的一次视频，我毫无修饰的脸色竟增添了妈妈对我的无比牵挂。为打消她的担忧，也为圆我自己的一个梦，鼓起勇气征得医生K和俩闺女的同意，很快决定推迟化疗3周和LG一起，我回家探望父老乡亲，他出差顺带探亲访友。
我的梦是趁LG同行，同心携父母，婆婆，LG的姐姐，姐夫共游九寨黄龙，为来日去西藏探探路，也算是我们给妈妈，婆婆80大寿的礼物。没有姐姐的精心按排，我们此次不可能这么顺利成行。虽因九黄机场跑道结冰，只能改降成都双流机场而耽误了时间，游黄龙改道游河洲古城，也丝毫没有影响我观赏九寨沟最灿烂季节的美好心情。
金秋21日，九寨沟，我终于来啦！果然名不虚传，美不胜收，毫不逊色于许多美国国家公园，难怪十一长假游客达8万之多。真正感到目不暇接呀，抬头见树从水中生，低头看水在树间流，眼前观五彩斑斓的红叶在湖光流韵间漂浮。
我没有能力用文字描绘出展现在我眼前一幅幅大自然的美妙图案。我流连忘返珍珠海的大珠小珠落玉池，深深赞叹幽幽长海的气势磅礴，细细品味偌日朗瀑布撒落于我脸庞上的清丽水珠花。轻盈飘逸的融融芦花海将是重返的理由之一。
在海拔3000-4000米（大约 9000 feet）游山玩水，深刻体会到力不从心。但和三位80高令长辈一起同行，我哪好意思示弱呢！有许多次LG主动请战，让我入座他宽厚的肩背。次日，见游人稀疏，婆婆也没影，我就好好享用了一把，结果是腿脚酸转移成手臂酸啦。可爱的LG还放很话：如需要，背丈母娘也不在话下，把我妈哄得乐不可支。
LG在家每天基本是早九出，晚九归。我和俩闺女已习惯没有他的晚餐，我努力争取过，晓之以理，动之以情，结果我们放弃，给他自由，也给我们三有放松随意的交流空间。他目前可是我们全家的顶梁柱啦。感激不尽这七年来对我的不离不弃，忍辱负重。把我从刚化疗时的手足无措训练成独当一面的斗士。尤其是这次回国，让我感觉到冉冉的爱，柔柔的情。
杭州十月，柳丝仍绿，荷叶已黄。一别又是3年。感谢我初中，高中及大学同学抽时间和我聚会并在wechat上组群保持联系；感谢爸妈仍然亲力亲为好吃好喝招待我；感谢俩闺女的鼎力支持，独立自主守家园。
短暂停药带来的是成倍上涨的Ca125（200到500），这在意料之中，情理之外，没有丝丝悔意。这次回国留在记忆里的尽是甜甜蜜蜜的美景人情。
第二个七年已在眼前，我又该如何珍惜！
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Me and Cancer (21 - A Seven Year Itch)
I have been living with cancer for almost seven years.
Cancer is becoming more and more cunning and varied, against it I can never really have a steady plan, but I can be calm and confident. In my future the end is coming, it is sure, but in the process of getting to the end I have learned to listen to myself, to distract myself, but most importantly to listen to my heart and spirit to know the world; I have benefited from this experience, and even if I am defeated I will prosper. Even to today I feel that I am very lucky, because I can still share Thanksgiving turkey and enjoy each and every bit of Christmas with loved ones.
This summer (2013) LG was in charge of our trips, and we went from Calgary to see the Canadian Rockies in Banff National Park. This was when I was already taking Avastin and Abraxane and they added Gemcitbine treatment on top of that. I was able to see all at a glance, and we traveled from August 8 until we returned home.
The original plan was just those two, but the uncertainty of my treatment and a video from my mother made me want to change plans. In order to ease her fears, and also to fulfil a dream of mine, I got the courage to ask Dr. K and my two daughters for permission, and very quickly decided to postpone chemo for three weeks and return to my hometown with LG to visit family and friends.
My dream was to travel together with LG, my parents, my mother-in-law, LG's sister, my brother-in-law, and together swim in Jiuzhai, go to Tibet, and to give my mother her 80th birthday present. I could not take into account my sister's plans on this trip. The Jiuzhai Airport had ice, so we had to change our landing to Chengdu and lose time in getting to Jiuzhai. We were able to tour Hezhou and this did not impact my mood about getting to see Jiuzhai and I was happy.
On the 21st day of Autumn, I finally got to Jiuzhaigou Valley! It lived up to its reputation, and was even more beautiful than many US national parks. It is no wonder there are more than 80,000 tourists who visit over the holidays. There were too many sites for me too see all, just by raising your head you can see a tree growing from the middle of the water, by lowering your head you can see water flowing by the tree, and you can see the beautiful autumn leaves floating on the glimmering lake.
There are no words to describe the natural beauty I saw in front of my eyes. I was so amazed I forgot to return home, I lost my breath at the sights and felt the clean, fresh drop of water on my face. To live again in light, elegance, and harmony with the sea is just one reason to return to this place.
At an altitude of 3000-4000 meters (about 9000 feet) we traveled from one beautiful spot to another, I only wish I could travel longer. But traveling with three people over the age of 80, how could I be the one to seem weak! There were many times LG asked to pause, to let me sit and support myself with his back. On this day, we did not see many other travelers.
At home LG would leave in the morning at 9 and return by 9 in the evening. My daughters and I already became accustomed to not having him around for dinner, so I work hard to convince him to come home for dinner, but in the end I gave him freedom, and did not stress about him not being home, which left the three of us more relaxed and with freedom to talk. He is a pillar in our family. I am so grateful he has not left me alone over these past seven years, and that he has supported me. He has helped me transform from a helpless patient to an independent fighter. Especially on this trip back home, he made me feel so loved, and was so gentle.
October in Hangzhou, the willows were still green and the leaves yellow. It had been three years for me. I thank my middle school, high school, and college classmates for taking the time to connect with me on wechat. I thank my mom and dad for taking the time and effort to take care of me still. I thank my two daughters for their valuable assistance and for watching over our home while we were away.
Postponing my treatment led to an increase in my Ca-125 level (from 200 to 500), which is expected and reasonable, and I do not have an ounce of remorse. This trip home is full of beautiful and sweet memories and feelings.
The second seven years are already in front of my eyes, how I will cherish them!
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