2013.03.20: 5 - Chemotherapy

我与癌（5-化疗期间） 刚化疗时，E 医生告知，为预防感染，最好避免生食，包括水果。妈妈很自然就蒸苹果，蒸梨给我吃。为预防感染，家里卫生是窗明几净，一尘不染。我俨然成为 绝对重点保护对象。享受的同时伴有心痛，因角色的转换来的太太突然，一夜之间，照顾全家的我成为被全家照顾的成年baby。 吸取等一次 的教训，第二次化疗后，我按医嘱乖乖服药，尽可能不让胃有空着的状态，烤面包片（toasted bread） 伴水是个较不错的深夜填空胃的简便易行的选择。白天也由三餐加至五餐，且无法像以往那样狼吞虎咽，因每次进食都必须慢慢来，不然还会呕吐。每吃几口，就会打隔，这时小女会用小手给我拍背，嘴里念叨，Mommy just like a baby. 我连连 thank you thank you for taking care of Mommy. 能看出，她感到特骄傲。当我在康复周，小女就经常向我complain abdominal discomfort . 我知道她要妈妈的attention, 然后赶紧安慰她说，this week you are my baby.  她乖乖躺下，让我轻轻揉揉她的小肚子入睡。（如今她仍会给我拍背，但她的肚是不再让我揉了，因为 她快16 啦）。 呕吐减轻，带给我的付作用是便秘。通便的Colace 太弱，Milk of Magnesia 又过火了。最后发现milled flaxseed 拌入酸奶或Mirax 对我比较合适。 两个疗程后，经我和医生商量，同意我day1的住院化疗可改在门诊做。我便有机会慢慢开始和护士们熟悉起来。因IP疗法在我受治的医院（University of California at Los Angeles Affiliated Hospital or UCLA hospital ) 也是新鲜事物，我心甘情愿为教学遭到围观。当药物进入盆腔后，我被要求侧身左右及头高于和低于水平30度各睡15分钟，为的是药物能尽可能到达手术无法触及的部位。 感谢我的堂哥，堂嫂，每次不仅来看我还给我们带来新鲜的蔬菜和水果，记得手术和两次化疗后，他们那次来我家，堂嫂柔情到看着我，眼里噙泪，自知是因我的面色已由原先的特别健康变成眼前的十分病态雷到她了。谢谢她没让泪流下并不断安慰我妈妈， 说我体质基础好，肯定没问题。也感谢堂哥随时的电话问候。感谢我大学时的班长和班副，放下他们自己的家，特意飞来和我们过中国年，让我父母有面对面倾诉的对象和机会，

Cancer and Me (5 - Chemotherapy) Doctor E told me that in order to prevent infection, it was best to avoid raw food during chemotherapy, including fruit. My mother naturally then steamed apples and pears for me to eat. Everything at home was kept spotless. I thus became a top-priority protected person. But this enjoyment was accompanied by heartache as well, as role shifts within my home happened so suddenly: overnight, I went from one who overlooked the whole family to one who had to be overlooked by the whole family, an adult baby. Having learned my lesson, after the second chemotherapy I obediently medicated myself according to my doctor’s directions in order to keep from my stomach being empty as much as I could. Toast and water proved to be an effective and simple choice for this late at night. During the day, my meals increased from three to five, and I was forced to forego voracious eating for much slower food intake to prevent vomiting. Every few bites I ate, I would invariably have to burp, at which point my younger daughter would pat my back with her small hands, saying “Mommy’s just like a baby.” Each time, I would reply, “Thank you thank you for taking care of Mommy.” It was clear that she felt great pride in this. I could see that she was especially proud. During my rehabilitation, my daughter would often complain to me of tummy aches. I knew she wanted her mother's attention, so I hastened to comfort her, saying “This week you are my baby.” She would obediently lay down, letting me gently rubbed her little stomach until she fell asleep. (Today she would still help pat my back, but would no longer let me rub her belly, because she is almost 16!). WIth reduced vomiting came constipation. The laxative Colace proved to be too weak, and Milk of Magnesia was too strong. I found in the end that milled flaxseed stirred into yogurt or Mirax worked more appropriately for me. After two cycles, through a discussion with my doctor,  he agreed to change my day 1 chemotherapy sessions from inpatient to outpatient. I thus had the opportunity to become more familiar with the nurses. IP therapy was still a novelty in my hospital (University of California at Los Angeles Affiliated Hospital, or UCLA hospital), and I was perfectly willing to be a subject of teaching. When the drugs were delivered into the pelvic cavity, I was asked to lie on each side and tilt my bed both 30-degrees up and down, holding each position for 15 minutes in order to allow the drug to reach areas that the surgery could not have covered. I’m very thankful for my cousin and his wife, who always brought me fresh fruits and vegetables every time they came to visit me. I remember during their visit to my home after two rounds of chemotherapy: she looked at me tenderly with tears in her eyes, and I knew it was because she saw my transition from especially healthy to my current gravely sick complexion. Thankfully, she did not let any tears fall, and instead continually comforted my mother, saying my physical basis was strong, that there would certainly be no problem. I’m thankful for my cousin’s regular phone calls to check on me. I’m thankful for my college classmates, who set aside the needs of their own families and specially flew over to celebrate Chinese New Year with us,  giving my parents someone to pour their hearts out to.